March Fearlessness

Happy New Year! Yup, you’ve read that right because as embarrassing as it is, this is my first post of 2016. I would like to say that my life has been quite eventful since I last blogged, but the word doesn’t entirely seem right. It’s not like a lot has happened-happened, but I definitely feel… like a different person. It’s barely mid-March (beware the Ides, yo) but I already feel like I have learned a lot this year. It’s almost like I’ve truly tapped into who I am? Whoa, that sounded a tad bit deep there, Lindsey. And it’s way too early for that. But seriously, I keep using the phrase “next level” to describe many instances in my day-to-day life, and I really do think I’ve evolved in a way. I’ve also been playing a lot of Pokémon Yellow (fyeah it’s back!) and Pokémon Mystery Dungeon, so it could just be that.

Last November, I jokingly told my family that I was going to start a new blog in which I documented my quest to find the best bibimbap in the Greater Toronto Area. This past January, I finally finished watching Gundam Seed and Gurren Lagann, and I realized I have A LOT of thoughts on anime. Yesterday, I realized that I kind of really miss blogging. I think what all of this means is that I just miss writing. Anything. About time traveling spies or addictively great books I’ve read or how I’m still not over Heroes. About certain boy bands that have taken over my life.

This is not the part when I declare my return to blogging–whether it be book blogging or whatever. But mayhaps it is the part when I declare that I do miss it. Where I’m going from here, I’m not entirely sure–but I AM GOING SOMEWHERE. See you soon.


Spirit Junkies don’t cry. Or: Another life lament.

In another life, in another universe–I might’ve been a hobbit. First, I like the idea of second breakfast. Second, I’d love to live that quiet countryside life. Third, and most relevant to this post, I seem to be fond of making birthday-related speeches. Today is not my eleventy-first birthday (although I aspire to reach that age one day just for the sake of exclaiming “Today is my eleventy-first birthday!” just like Bilbo Baggins), but I feel the need to write up a grand lament on my life thus far. Last year, I went into this whole spiel about how I was growing anxious about getting older and how it felt like my life hadn’t really “begun.” This year… I don’t know. I’ve been 27 for less than a week, but I don’t feel any wiser, nor seasoned. JUST OLD.

I’m honestly horrified that I’ve reached the age that How I Met Your Mother‘s Ted Mosby was in the pilot episode where he realized he needed to start settling down. I HAVEN’T EVEN PAID OFF MY STUDENT LOANS YET. How can I even think beyond that? I know that I can’t and shouldn’t really compare myself to a fictional character (which again is something I have the tendency to do), but as I clock off another year and reflect on my life, it’s hard not to evaluate what I haven’t accomplished so far. Like okay, I have university degree. I’ve one completed manuscript which is just kind of there right now, but I’ve also got one that I’m currently working on that I really really am enjoying. But I also spend the majority of my week fiddling with catheters or dodging the toxic fumes of tetrahydrofuran glue. I don’t really want to accept the present, but in a way I kind of have to?

But I think I can change how I take it. I do try to stay positive and persevere, but I think I truly do have to take Shailene Woodley’s advice to head and heart. I have to “forgive my past, accept the present, and release the future.” Carpe Diem, forget regret, and all that jazz. Sure. But really what I have to do is that I have to make the most of what I have. That’s not to say that I’m just going to remain immobile and just let life do whatever it wants to do to me. I do have control (to a certain degree), and I think as long as I just make whatever the heck drink I want out of the lemons that life gives me, then, to quote the R&H’s Cinderella musical, “I can be whatever I want to be.”

So. That’s my yearly lament. To be honest, this month has been sort of top notch in the lame department. I can’t dwell on that crap, though. I have to keep going. Tomorrow, I’m off to NYC for Book Expo. Although my trip has already taken a slight tailspin into misfortune (flight scheduling issues, therefore having to leave early and missing out on the Bevy’s long-awaited brunch ;_;), I’m NOT going to let that get me down. I’m going to enjoy the time I do get to spend with my friends. I’m not going to go in oblivious carefree happy mode (as if I could ever do that), but I am going to strive to be that so-called ~Spirit Junkie. The robot version of one anyway 🙂

ETA 10:51am – Just before I scheduled for this post to go up, I found out that my flight going to NYC had been cancelled, as well. So now I’m sitting in the airport until the next flight leaves. HAHAHA. Wellllll then, I’ll consider this the first challenge~

whimsical behavior

Although I had plenty of stuff planned for my Friday night, I somehow ended up …somewhere else.

First, this happened. Well, technically that happened a few years ago, but it’s been a loooong while and I have NO idea what the password is. I believe my user name was allyson_jeune, but I looked that up and it doesn’t exist. It was probably purged because I neglected it. So a few months ago, I ended up just making a new account altogether.

Tonight, I randomly decided to post the only fic I’ve ever written. Actually, that’s a lie. I’ve written fics before, but those stories are 1) lost in the basement, 2) old-school, meaning I wrote them when I was a child, and 3) old-school, meaning they were written before I knew that what I was writing was fanfic. So sure those count, but ~officially~ I’ve only written one. I have three more incomplete ones and perhaps one day I will finish them…

So anyway, after uploading that sole fic (yay puns!), then THIS happened. I don’t know if I’ll actually post anything there or if I’ll just post stuff on this blog or what.

I do not know. I feel like I spend way too much time canvassing through my own archives when what I should be doing is focusing on the present. Sigh.