Spirit Junkies don’t cry. Or: Another life lament.Posted: May 28, 2014
In another life, in another universe–I might’ve been a hobbit. First, I like the idea of second breakfast. Second, I’d love to live that quiet countryside life. Third, and most relevant to this post, I seem to be fond of making birthday-related speeches. Today is not my eleventy-first birthday (although I aspire to reach that age one day just for the sake of exclaiming “Today is my eleventy-first birthday!” just like Bilbo Baggins), but I feel the need to write up a grand lament on my life thus far. Last year, I went into this whole spiel about how I was growing anxious about getting older and how it felt like my life hadn’t really “begun.” This year… I don’t know. I’ve been 27 for less than a week, but I don’t feel any wiser, nor seasoned. JUST OLD.
I’m honestly horrified that I’ve reached the age that How I Met Your Mother‘s Ted Mosby was in the pilot episode where he realized he needed to start settling down. I HAVEN’T EVEN PAID OFF MY STUDENT LOANS YET. How can I even think beyond that? I know that I can’t and shouldn’t really compare myself to a fictional character (which again is something I have the tendency to do), but as I clock off another year and reflect on my life, it’s hard not to evaluate what I haven’t accomplished so far. Like okay, I have university degree. I’ve one completed manuscript which is just kind of there right now, but I’ve also got one that I’m currently working on that I really really am enjoying. But I also spend the majority of my week fiddling with catheters or dodging the toxic fumes of tetrahydrofuran glue. I don’t really want to accept the present, but in a way I kind of have to?
But I think I can change how I take it. I do try to stay positive and persevere, but I think I truly do have to take Shailene Woodley’s advice to head and heart. I have to “forgive my past, accept the present, and release the future.” Carpe Diem, forget regret, and all that jazz. Sure. But really what I have to do is that I have to make the most of what I have. That’s not to say that I’m just going to remain immobile and just let life do whatever it wants to do to me. I do have control (to a certain degree), and I think as long as I just make whatever the heck drink I want out of the lemons that life gives me, then, to quote the R&H’s Cinderella musical, “I can be whatever I want to be.”
So. That’s my yearly lament. To be honest, this month has been sort of top notch in the lame department. I can’t dwell on that crap, though. I have to keep going. Tomorrow, I’m off to NYC for Book Expo. Although my trip has already taken a slight tailspin into misfortune (flight scheduling issues, therefore having to leave early and missing out on the Bevy’s long-awaited brunch ;_;), I’m NOT going to let that get me down. I’m going to enjoy the time I do get to spend with my friends. I’m not going to go in oblivious carefree happy mode (as if I could ever do that), but I am going to strive to be that so-called ~Spirit Junkie. The robot version of one anyway 🙂
ETA 10:51am – Just before I scheduled for this post to go up, I found out that my flight going to NYC had been cancelled, as well. So now I’m sitting in the airport until the next flight leaves. HAHAHA. Wellllll then, I’ll consider this the first challenge~