anxious is my name ♫Posted: April 23, 2012
Last month, one of my sisters turned 21. The family went to dinner and as is tradition, my grandfather and father had their “after-dinner cigarette” while my mom, my sisters, and I just chilled in the car. How early 20th century of us. That kind of reminds me of a line from Titanic: “Now they will retreat into a cloud of smoke and congratulate each other on being masters of the universe.” (Actually, they were probably just discussing the gooey, yet yummy Chinese food we’d just devoured.) ANYWAY, I’m not sure what triggered the next four words to leave my lips, but I suddenly found myself singing a random tune adding in the lyrics “anxious is my name.” I was feeling anxious and for some reason, I chose to express that by singing it. (Yes, this is kind of something that happens often when I’m around my sisters.) My mom was confused, while both of my sisters found this hilarious and while I did join in the laughter, deep down inside anxiety was truly the feeling that reigned supreme within me.
Ever since singing those words, I’ve been reciting them in my head. I’m always anxious, but this particular anxiety had a specific cause. Earlier this year, I gave myself a deadline. I work best under pressure, so I set a goal for myself: to send out a query by my 25th birthday. Yesterday was the “one month more” mark, so I’m thinking I should have written up this post then, but let’s just say that since it was Earth Day I was trying to conserve electricity and minimize my electronics usage. My birthday is on May 22nd, so that means I now have less than one month to conquer this quest that I’ve appointed myself to do. With a full-time job, my double life as a book blogger,
my triple life as super spy, reading, random other writings, and other general life responsibilities and happenings in my life …The next 29 days are going to be pretty insane. I know I am capable, however. I just need to keep cool and calm and collected. I just need to keep going and reminding myself that ANXIOUS isn’t actually my name. It’s Lindsey. But hopefully if you’re reading this blog, you already know that.
Enough dilly dallying. I should know better than anyone that time waits for nobody. The clock is frakking ticking, so adieu for now~